There's a really lovely sentiment behind this - it's a very powerful idea. But there's also something very hard and unsympathetic about it. 'dead grandmother' really leaps out of the page and knocks me cold, and it takes a re-read or two to get over it.
Do you think there's a softer, more gentle wording you could use? 'grandmother's ghost', for example, lacks the... callousness, while still telling the same story.
i really went with my gut with this one - just wrote down what came to mind. i do understand the point you're making and i agree that it is hard and unsympathetic, but i also think that's what makes it powerful. like someone else said, it's like "a punch in the gut". i don't mean to offend anyone with my word choice :S i'll think about it though, see if i can come up with something i like. thank you very much for the feedback!
I think it's fine as a short piece! I feel if you expanded on it, it might lose that "bam" that it has lol...it's kind of creepy...well mainly because I wouldn't want to hear my grandma in my mind but if you look at it from the point of an old book being cherished and with so much "story value", then it's a nice thought because grandma's are like that too. Ooh I like that double meaning
yeah, i agree. i started to think about what they might have in common and all i could think of is that they smell, which is pretty crude, so i obviously didn't include. i didn't mean for it to be "creepy" per se - i was thinking more of having the memory of your grandmother, of her voice or something like that.
thank you for taking the time to write this awesome comment and the fav! (:
awww, yes well you couldn't put "They smell" in there! It would have turned it from a nice deep emotional piece into...well a comedy to be honest with you lol. But yes I know what you mean about the memory part and I guess like all old books, there are parts that are flaky and wrinkled and hard to understand